So incase anyone didn't notice the high pitch squeels going off from cinemas around the country at midnight last night, the third movie in the Twilight Saga was released, now as I've already pointed out I have not seen it and my only contact with this seires is through reading the first book, which wasn't terrible I must admit, but does not deserve a place at the top of bestseller lists.
So what is this third installment of the Saga of Angsty Bitch and Lord Sparkle-Britches about? Well according to credible review site Rotten Asparagus (May or may not be something taken from Rotten Tomatoes I have edited):
As Seattle is wierded out by a whole bunch of 'hot' teenagers going missing (Cause no one over 20 and ugly can be a vampire) and a character with a motivation as thin as a rice crispees wafer continues her quest for revenge by, rather than sneaking in and breaking some necks, builds a giant army which manages to scream 'Hello we're here to kill you, but don't come and fight us though cause then all our plans will turn to shit', Queen Frowns-a-lot once again finds herself surrounded by Heroin adicts and people with magically disappearing shirts. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her Blind and wierd devotion for the sparkling fag and her the other kid who she only keeps around for a bit of a peep show - knowing that her decision is balatantly obious to everyone watching and that the likelyhodd of this maguffin threat of war is as small as Robert Pattersons whoopsie. With her graduation quickly approaching for no other reason than to give the plot some pace, you the viewer has a choice to make, walk out and take medicments to forget the horrors you eyes have seen or take a power saw to your temple . But which is which?
So thats what I'm assuming most of us are missing out on, I know it sounds so good... Anyway I did want to respond to a fee comments I have found floating around the interwebs:
"I absolutely loved Eclipse. It was awesome. I haven't read the books so had no idea what to expect whcih made it extremely exciting."
Just because you read the source material the movie shouldn't be any less exciting, you should be going to see how your favourite actors translate the good bits from page to screen
"Watched all three last night - have had only 3 hours sleep but couldn't care less"
Ladies and Genltemen I present you with a torture method to replace waterboarding
"I'm still on a high and can't wait to watch it again. Now the countdown begins for the next instalment."
Apparently the next film will be out next year in July, so it is more than a year away. Thats the one thing I don't get from these fans it is as though there is nothing eles in the world for them to do than giggle and scream whenever some thing about twilight comes in. I may be waiting for Scott Pilgrim but atleast I devote equal time to Toy Story, Kick ass and Iron Man 2
"As for which team I am on - have to admit I'm torn between them both."
Look I need someone to explain this to me, what is the point of having a bloody team when there is no contest, there was a whole film setting uo the fact that the stoney that sparkles is the main romance/pedophile interest and even in the book that was meant to bring the shirtless dance troop in as a threat to those feelings we were still having a bit of a cry over the other guy.
"Eclipse is the most anticipated film of the year"
Okay look, yes there are a lot of young and desperate girls who want to see people with tops off and a sparkling Crack adict, but there are plenty of other movies that people are anticipating, such as Toy Story 3, I've been waiting 11 bloody years for that movie so you can't tell me the anticipation hasn't risen above the hight of the empire state building.
"They tried to make the movie more suitable for everyone .i.e. Action, love, comedy, instead of serious like the tone of the book."
I dare anyone to go look up the trailer and tell me this is an evenly spread movie, there is more than 90% spent pummling home that fact that there is a love triangle... although the two dudes don't love each other so it is more of a V.... and the chick dosen't love one of the guys so it is more like a love line with a small thread hanging off. But still trying to shoe-horn in some action scenes to widen your audience is kinda tacky, the action crowd won't go cause they know this is a shitty love story no matter how you try and dress it, and you're fan base will be let down by those scenes because it isn't what they came to see.
So what am I trying to say here... well I guess it is that I don't have any feelings for twilight and probably never will, since the movie could be acuratly simulated by dousing one guy in a pool of glitter, telling a girl never to smile and getting a fury man to walk around with his top off. But I do hope this continues like it is for the next 2 years because it always gives me something to bitch about
Wow...SO well said. My hat is off to you sir
ReplyDeleteAll very good points, but a word spell check wouldn't go amiss. In future read through your post and correct any mistakes (:
ReplyDeleteThanks Brett, I'll do that in the future
ReplyDeleteHahahah
ReplyDeleteSeriously the whole Twilight craze is ridiculous.
I read the first two books and I have to say the story line is understandable why young girls like to read it (I mean it's like why people like to watch really stupid [korean] dramas) (well I hate american dramas too). But the writing is so bad it's hard to get through the book. I mean Edward is a really poorly constructed character even though the interactions get the story going. The descriptions were crap, and you can't get a single idea of what Edward would be like in real life except that his eyes change color.
I watched the first episode of Twilight and I have to say Robert isn't a bad actor, but Kristen is TERRIBLE. I'm so sure she didn't even touch the book before because she does a terrible job of interpreting Bella. When I read the second book after I watched the first episode I was convinced Kristen Stewart either is really, really, REALLY bad at acting or she doesn't know crap about Bella at all. For starters, in the book Bella isn't introverted, and Kristen Stewart acts like she's a freaked out little kid. I seriously just didn't get her the whole entire time.
Anyways I agree with everything you said handsdown. (Except I don't think Edward has a vagina). You can still watch the first movie to see how bad Kristen Steward is but I heard whatever you do don't watch the second or third.
By the way the one where Taylor and Robert are kissing when you fold Kristen away--if you get the other photo of them three and fold Kristen out again it's even better than that one.
Ask me if you don't know what it is
-Blaize
I remember seeing a video which explained the lack of description as allowing the reader to construct our own view so that it will seem more realistic, because what may be attractive to Stephanie Morman Myer may not be attractive to you.
ReplyDeleteAlso when you character profile says "must be a sparkling blank slate" almost anyone could act that role... heck they could even get a cardboard cut out dipped in glitter.